Saturday, December 1, 2007

Mast Jokes

Funny Jokes-that will make you laugh loud

Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

John admitted that, well, yes he did.

She said "You can have it, but it will cost you $100."

After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00 p.m. on Friday.

Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 p.m. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex, and then John left.

Bill came home about 6:00 P.M. He asked his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?"

Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."

Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?"

She thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!' Finally she says, "Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.


A PROSPEROUS businessman propositioned a beautiful girl and she agreed to spend the night with him for $500. When he was ready to leave in the morning, he told her that he didn't have any money with him but he would have his secretary write a check for it and make it out as "RENT FOR APARTMENT"

On the way to the office, he decided that the whole thing wasn't worth the price he had agreed to pay. So he advised his secretary to send the check for $250 and include the following note:

Dear Madam:
Enclosed is my check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount we have agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression:
1. it had never been occupied.
2. it had never been occupied
3. it was small.
Last night, I found that it had been occupied, there wasn't any heat and it was entirely too large.

Upon the receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check with the following note:

Dear Sir,

I am returning your check for $250. I can not understand how you could expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied. As for the heat, there was plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. As for the size, it isn't my fault if you didn't have sufficient furniture to fill it in.


Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"


Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is.

Her reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.

Again the mother's reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

The boy then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?"

To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that" and then sends him to his room.

On the way to his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out. The boy looks it over and goes back to his mother saying, "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!!!"


****25th Anniversary ****

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.

As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to screw your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."


Nudist colony-R

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he
takes off his clothes and starts to wander around.

A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?'

The man replies, 'No, what do you mean?'
She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it means
that you called for me.' Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities.
He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, 'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man.

'No, what do you mean?' says the newcomer.

'You must be new,' says the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it means that you called for me.'
The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the
smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she says.

The man yells, 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back And you can keep the $250 membership fee.

'But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our

The man replies, 'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day.


It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments.

She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea....

He turned to the crowd of guests and said "Will those who are from the brides side of the family stand up please?" about twenty people stood.

Then he asked “Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand up as well?" about twenty five people stood up.

The He smiled and said




"Will all those who stood please leave, This is a birthday party".

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