Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Bluetooth Technology

ब्लूटूथ टेक्नोलॉजी


Bluetooth, named after the renowned Danish King, Harold Bluetooth, is a short-range wireless connectivity standard.
Bluetooth is capturing the minds of the present day technologists, as a technology enabler for the wireless unification of a wide variety of portable devices like mobile PCs, mobile phones and the like. It does away with the cables and enables voice and data transfer between the devices through wireless networks called piconets.
The primary segments identified for Bluetooth application are: Cellular & PCS Mobile Phones, Digital Cordless Phones, Data Access Points, PC Cards and Adapters, Notebook & Desktop PCs, Handheld PCs & Palm Companions / PDA s, Digital Still Cameras, Output Equipment, Automotive and Industrial & Medical applications.

The technology behind it:

Bluetooth is a Radio Frequency (RF) specification for short-range, point-to-multi-point voice and data transfer. An advantage of Bluetooth is it's similarity to many other specifications already deployed and it's borrowing of many a feature from these specifications. The 2.4GHz band is used by IEEE 802.11 to enable wireless LAN connectivity. Bluetooth borrows specifications to enable file sharing and data transfers between devices from IrDA (a wireless specification that uses Infrared light to connect devices). Home RF SWAP, a specification aimed at small network of devices for the home environment, is another source for Bluetooth.
It is omni-directional and has a present nominal link range of 10cm to 10m, which can be extended to 100m, with increased transmitting power. Bluetooth operates in the 2.4GHz Industrial-Scientific-Medical (ISM) Band and uses a Frequency Hop (FH) spread spectrum technology in which packets are transmitted in defined time slots on defined frequencies. A full duplex information interchange rate of up to 1Mbps may be achieved in which a Time-Division Duplex (TDD) scheme is used.

A Bluetooth System:

* A Radio Unit - consisting of a radio transceiver, which provides the radio, link between the Bluetooth devices.
* A Baseband Unit - a hardware consisting of flash memory and a CPU. This interfaces with the radio unit and the host device electronics.
* Link Management Software - a driver software or firmware which enables the application software to interface with the baseband unit.
* An Application Software - this implements the user interface and is the application that can run on wireless.


Taj Mahal

Prince Khurram, who would become Shah Jahan, was born in India in the same month as the Prophet Mohammed in the auspicious year 1,000 of the Islamic calendar (January 15, 1592). He was named Khurram, which means "joyous," by his doting grandfather Akbar, who said the birth made the world glad. "He was born during the height of Akbar's power," says art historian Shobita Punja, "when most of India came under Mughal rule. He was very well educated, had brilliant teachers, and was quite an aesthete. He really was a very cultured human being."

According to one of the youth's companions at court, Prince Khurram was a handsome youth, "possessed of a sharp wit, a wonderful memory, a love for details and the capacity to master them." Legend has it that the young prince charmed Arjumand Banu Begum (later named Mumtaz Mahal) at the Royal Meena Bazaar during the Moslem New Year festival, where merchants brought fine cloth, precious jewels and other goods for the harem and nobles of the court.
Though court poets celebrated the young girl's beauty, no contemporary likenesses of her are known to exist. According to author and art historian Milo Beach, "There are paintings that are labeled 'Mumtaz Mahal,' but they are simply generalized depictions of a Mughal beauty. There's virtually no contemporary account of her, because none of the historians would have had contact with her." Under Mohammed's law of "purdah," the law of the veil, women were obliged to hide their faces from public view. The only women depicted in paintings were court dancers and entertainers; it was taboo to paint royal women.

"Royal women were kept in seclusion, but that has nothing to do with the power they held," adds Beach. "They clearly were extremely powerful. Shah Jahan's father, Jahangir, married a woman named Nur Jahan who was really the person who ran the empire for the second half of Jahangir's reign, when he became addicted to opium and alcohol. He barely functioned as an emperor, and she ran the country."

"We know very little about Mumtaz Mahal except that she was the daughter of Asaf Khan, who was the Prime Minister for Shah Jahan and son of the Prime Minister for Jahangir whose sister, Nur Jahan, married Jahangir. You cannot be more closely related to the Imperial family than that. Many of Asaf Khan's cousins and other relatives were also placed in positions of enormous power in the Mughal court. So Mumtaz Mahal probably had a very important and influential role in her husband's life."

Before marriage to Mumtaz Mahal, the Emperor Jahangir had arranged two other marriages for his son for political purposes. But although Shah Jahan had three regular wives, Mumtaz Mahal became his favorite and bore his only children. The Prince would not part with her even on his numerous military campaigns. In his suffering, she sustained him; in his glory, she inspired him to acts of charity and benevolence. Both comrade and counselor, she was beloved by him for her unswerving loyalty and by his people for her wise and compassionate guidance.

Life Stats of ShahJahan

Year of Birth - 1592
Real Name - Khurram
Father - Emperor Jahangir
Mother - Princess Manmati
Marriage - Married Arjumand Bano (Mumtaz Mahal) in 1612. She died in 1631, giving birth to his 14th children.
Died - 1666
Rule Period - 1627 to 1658

Agra, once the capital of the Mughal Empire during the 16th and early 18th centuries, is two and a half hours by express train from New Delhi. Tourists from all over the world visit Agra not only to see the ruins of the red sandstone fortress built by the Mughal emperors but to make a pilgrimage to Taj Mahal, India's most famous architectural wonder. In a land where magnificent temples and edifices abound to remind visitors about the rich civilization of a country that is slowly but surely lifting itself into an industrialized society. The postcard picture of Taj Mahal falls short to convey the legend, the poetry and the romance that shroud what Rabindranath Tagore calls "a teardrop on the cheek of time". Taj Mahal means "Crown Palace" and is in fact the most well preserved and architecturally beautiful tomb in the world. It is best described by an English poet, Sir Edwin Arnold, as "Not a piece of architecture, as other buildings are, but a proud passion of an emperor’s love wrought in living stones." It is a celebration of woman's love, exquisitely portrayed in marble. And that's the way to appreciate it!

Taj Mahal stands on the bank of River Yamuna, which otherwise serves as a wide moat defending the Great Red Fort of Agra, the centre of the Mughal empire until they moved their capital to Delhi in 1637. It was built by the fifth Mughal emperor, Shah Jahan in 1631 in the memory of his second wife, Mumtaz Mahal, a Muslim Persian princess. She died while accompanying her husband in Behrampur in a campaign to crush a rebellion, after giving birth to their 14th child. Her death so crushed the emperor that all his hair and beard were said to have grown snow white in a few months.
When Mumtaz Mahal was still alive, she extracted four promises from the emperor: first, that he build the Taj; second, that he should marry again; third, that he be kind to their children; and fourth, that he visit the tomb on her death anniversary. He kept the first and second promises. Construction began in 1631 and was completed in 22 years. Twenty thousand people were deployed to work on it. It was designed by the Iranian architect Istad Usa and it is best appreciated when the architecture and its adornments are linked to the passion that inspired it. It is a "symbol of eternal love"

Having buried her down at Behrampur, it was time for the emperor to keep his promise and build a tomb there itself. But by and by, it was felt that it was virtually impossible to transfer all the marble there, as it would cost an entire fortune and an entire lifetime. So, when Agra was chosen as the only alternative, astonishingly her grave was uprooted and brought to Agra, only to be finally transferred to the monument, completed twenty two years later. The Taj rises on a high red sandstone base topped by a huge white marble terrace on which rests the famous dome flanked by four tapering minarets. Within the dome lies the jewel inlaid cenotaph of the queen. So exquisite is the workmanship that the Taj has been described as “designed by giants and finished by jewelers". The only asymmetrical object in the Taj is the casket of the emperor which was built beside the queens, as an afterthought. The emperor was deposed by his son and imprisoned in the Great Red Fort for eight years but was later buried in the Taj. During his imprisonment he was barred from visiting Taj. What he could have was just a little view of Taj in a reflection of a diamond.

As a tribute to a beautiful woman and as a monument for enduring love, the Taj reveals its subtleties when one visits it without being in a hurry. The rectangular base of Taj is in itself symbolic of the different sides from which to view a beautiful woman. The main gate is like a veil to a woman's face which should be lifted delicately, gently and without haste on the wedding night. In Indian tradition the veil is lifted gently to reveal the beauty of the bride. As one stands inside the main gate of Taj, his eyes are directed to an arch which frames the Taj. The dome is made of white marble, but the tomb is set against an awesome backdrop of the river and it is this background that works its magic of colors through their reflection and transforms the view of the Taj. The colors change at different hours of the day and during different seasons. Like a jewel, the Taj sparkles in moonlight when the semi-precious stones inlaid into the white marble on the main mausoleum catch the glow of the moon. The Taj is pinkish in the morning, milky white in the evening and golden when the moon shines. These changes, they say, depict the different moods of woman. Different people have different views of the Taj but it would be enough to say that the Taj has a life of its own that leaps out of marble, provided you understand that it is a monument of love. As an architectural masterpiece, nothing could be added or subtracted from it.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Windows XP

Windows XP Secrets-Revealed

Hidden Programs in Windows Xp

1) Private Character Editor

This program is for designing icons and Characters (Alphabet)
Click: start
Then: run

2) IExpress

This Program is for converting your files to EXECUTABLE files
Click: start
Then: run
type: iexpress

3) Disk Cleanup

This program used for cleaning hard disk to offer space
Click: start
Then: run
type: cleanmgr

4) Dr Watson

This program Is for repairing problems in Windows
Click: start
Then: run
type: drwtsn32

5) Windows Media Player 5.1

Opens the old media player
Click: start
Then: run
type: mplay32

Program............. CODE

Character Map = charmap
DirectX diagnosis = dxdiag
Object Packager = packager
System Monitor = perfmon
Program Manager = progman
Remote Access phone book = rasphone
Registry Editor = regedt32
File signature verification tool = sigverif
Volume Control = sndvol32
System Configuration Editor = sysedit
Syskey = syskey
Microsoft Telnet Client = telnet

Deleting System Software’s:

XP hides some system software you might want to remove, such as Windows Messenger, but you can tickle it and make it disgorge everything. Using Notepad or Edit, edit the text file /windows/inf/ sysoc.inf, search for the word 'hide' and remove it. You can then go to the Add or Remove Programs in the Control Panel, select Add/Remove Windows Components and there will be your prey, exposed and vulnerable.

Creating Shutdown Icon or One Click Shutdown :

Navigate to your desktop. On the desktop, right-click and go to New, then to Shortcut (in other words, create a new shortcut). You should now see a pop-up window instructing you to enter a command line path.
Use this path in "Type Location of the Item"
SHUTDOWN -s -t 01
If the C: drive is not your local hard drive, then replace "C" with the correct letter of the hard drive. Click the "Next" button. Name the shortcut and click the "Finish" button. Now whenever you want to shut down, just click on this shortcut and you're done.

Increasing Band-Width By 20%:

Microsoft reserves 20% of your available bandwidth for their own purposes like Windows Updates and interrogating your PC etc

To get it back:

Click Start then Run and type " gpedit.msc" without quotes.This opens the group policy editor. Then go to:
Local Computer Policy then Computer Configuration then Administrative Templates then Network then QOS Packet Scheduler and then to Limit Reservable Bandwidth.
Double click on Limit Reservable bandwidth. It will say it is not configured, but the truth is under the 'Explain' tab i.e."By default, the Packet Scheduler limits the system to 20 percent of the bandwidth of a connection, but you can use this setting to override the default."
So the trick is to ENABLE reservable bandwidth, then set it to ZERO. This will allow the system to reserve nothing, rather than the default 20%.It works on Win 2000 as well.

Renaming The Recycle Bin icon :

To change the name of the Recycle Bin desktop icon, click Start then goto Run, write Regedit and press Enter. It opens Registry Editor. Now in Registry Editor go to:

HKEY_CLASSES_ ROOT/CLSID/ {645FF040- 5081-101B- 9F08-00AA002F954 E}
and change the name "Recycle Bin" to whatever you want (don't type any quotes).

Managing Tasks :
You can at last get rid of tasks on the computer from the command line by using 'taskkill /pid' and the task number, or just 'tskill' and the process number. Find that out by typing 'tasklist', which will also tell you a lot about what's going on in your system.

Removing Shared Documents folder From My Computer window :

Open registry editor by going to Start then Run and entering regedit. Once in registry, navigate to key

HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE \ SOFTWARE \ Microsoft \ Windows \ CurrentVersion \ Explorer \ My Computer \ NameSpace \ DelegateFolders

You must see a sub-key named {59031a47-3f72- 44a7-89c5- 5595fe6b30ee} . If you delete this key, you have effectively removed the my shared documents folder.

Making Google the Default Search Engine in Internet Explorer:

Open registry editor by going to Start then Run and entering regedit and navigate to following three keys separately and change it as shown below:

[HKEY_CURRENT_ USER\Software\ Microsoft\ Internet Explorer\Main]
"Search Page"=" com"
"Search Bar"=" com/ie"
[HKEY_CURRENT_ USER\Software\ Microsoft\ Internet Explorer\SearchURL]
""=" com/keyword/ %s"
[HKEY_LOCAL_ MACHINE\SOFTWARE \Microsoft\ Internet Explorer\Search]
"SearchAssistant" =" com/ie" .

Improving the Slow Boot up time:

There are a variety of reasons why your windows XP system would boot slowly. Most of the times it this has to do with the startup applications. If you would like to speed up the bootup sequence, consider removing some of the startup applications that you do not need. Easiest way to remove startup apps is through System Configuration Utility. Go to Start then Run and enter MSCONFIG and go to the Startup tab. Deselect/UnCheck application( s) that you do not want to startup at boot time.

Customize Logon prompt with your Own Words:

Open Registry by going to Start then Run, entering regedit and Navigate to [HKEY_LOCAL_ MACHINE\SOFTWARE \Microsoft\ Windows NT\CurrentVersion\ Winlogon] . In right pane, look for key by the name "LogonPrompt" . Set its value to whatever text you want to see displayed at login screen.

IP address of your connection :
Go to Start then Run. Enter 'cmd' and then enter 'ipconfig' .Add the '/all' switch for more info .

Making Folders Private :
Open My Computer Double-click the drive where Windows is installed (usually drive (C, unless you have more than one drive on your computer). If the contents of the drive are hidden, under System Tasks, click Show the contents of this drive.
Double-click the Documents and Settings folder. Double-click your user folder. Right-click any folder in your user profile, and then click Properties. On the Sharing tab, select the Make this folder private so that only I have access to it check box.

To change Drive Letters:

Go to Start > Control Panel > Administrative Tools > Computer Management, Disk Management, then right-click the partition whose name you want to change (click in the white area just below the word "Volume") and select "change drive letter and paths."
From here you can add, remove or change drive letters and paths to the partition.

Removing the Shortcut arrow from Desktop Icons :

Goto Start then Run and Enter regedit. Navigate to HKEY_CLASSES_ ROOTlnkfile. Delete the IsShortcut registry value. You may need to restart Windows XP.

Get Drivers for your Devices:
Visit Windows Update (XP Only)

Look at the left hand pane and under Other Options click Personalize Windows Update.
Now in the right hand pane check the box - Display the link to the Windows Update Catalog under See Also
Below Choose which categories and updates to display on Windows Update - make sure you check all the boxes you want shown.
Click Save Settings
Now look in the left hand pane under See Also click Windows Update Catalog and choose what you're looking for. Choose either MS updates or drivers for hardware devices.
Start the Wizard and off you go.

Customize Internet Explorer's Title Bar :

Open Registry by going to Start then Run and Enter regedit. Navigate to HKEY_CURRENT_ USER\Software\ Microsoft\ Internet. Explorer\Main. In right hand panel look for string "Window Title" and change its value to whatever custom text you want to see.

Disabling the use of Win Key :

If your are a gaming freak then you must be sick of the Win key in your keyboard. To disable use of Win key, open registry by going to Start then Run and entering regedit. Navigate to [HKEY_LOCAL_ MACHINE\SYSTEM\ CurrentControlSe t\Control\ Keyboard Layout] . In this look for value of "Scancode Map". Its binary data so be extra careful:
Set its value to "00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 03 00 00 00 00 00 5B E0 00 00 5C E0 00 00 00 00" to disable the win key.

Restarting Windows without Restarting the Computer:

This one is again is. When you click on the SHUTDOWN button, make sure to simultaneous press SHIFT Button. If you hold the Shift key down while clicking on SHUTDOWN button, you computer would restart without restarting the Computer. This is equivalent to term "HOT REBOOT".

Stopping XP from displaying unread messages count on Welcome Screen :

To stop XP from displaying count of unread messages, Open registry and navigate to [HKEY_CURRENT_ USER\Software\ Microsoft\ Windows\CurrentV ersion\UnreadMai l] and look for the data key "MessageExpiryDays" . If you do not see this key, create one DWORD key by the name "MessageExpiryDays" . Setting its value to 0 would stop Windows XP from displaying the count of unread messages.

Modify Color Selection of Default Theme :

Open registry by going to Start then Run. Entering regedit, navigate to [HKEY_USERS\ .DEFAULT\ Software\ Microsoft\ Windows\CurrentV ersion\ThemeMana ger] and locate the key "ColorName".
Right Click on it and select modify its value from "NormalColor" to "Metallic"
Click Ok, and exit regedit and restart your computer.

Removing the Recycle Bin from the Desktop :

If you don't use the Recycle Bin to store deleted files , you can get rid of its desktop icon all together. Run Regedit and go to:

HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE/ SOFTWARE/ Microsoft/ Windows/CurrentV ersion/explorer/ Desktop/NameSpace

Compiled By:-

Roshan Pratihast

Monday, December 3, 2007

Brand Names

How the famous Brand's Name originated

Interesting facts behind some of the most famous brands. There are many companies / brands / products whose names were derived from strange circumstances.

This was actually the financier's daughter's name.

This came from name of the river Adobe Creek that ran
behind the house of founder John Warnock.

Apple Computers
It was the favorite fruit of founder Steve Jobs. He was three months
late in filing a name for the business, and he threatened to call his
company Apple Computers if the other colleagues didn't suggest a
better name by 5 O'clock.

It is not an acronym as popularly believed. It is short for San Francisco.

This name was formed by using Comp, for computer, and PAQ to denote a
small integral object.

The name was derived from the founder's name Dr. Michael COwpland. It
stands for COwpland Research Laboratory.

The name started as a joke boasting about the amount of information
the search-engine would be able to search. It was originally named
'Googol', a word for the number represented by 1 followed by 100
zeros. After founders Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin and Larry
Page presented their project to an angel investor, they received a
cheque made out to 'Google'

Founder Jack Smith got the idea of accessing e-mail via the web from a
computer anywhere in the world. When Sabeer Bhatia came up with the
business plan for the mail service, he tried all kinds of names ending
in 'mail' and finally settled for hotmail as it included! The letters
"html" - the programming language used to write web pages. It was
initially referred to as Hot Mail with selective uppercasing.

Hewlett Packard
Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide whether the
company they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard or

Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore wanted to name their new company 'Moore
Noyce' but that was already trademarked by a hotel chain so they had
to settle for an acronym of Integrated Electronics.

Lotus (Notes)

Mitch Kapor got the name for his company from 'The Lotus Position' or
'Padmasana'. Kapoor used to be a teacher of Transcendental Meditation
of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

Coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was devoted to
Microcomputer Software. Originally christened Micro-Soft! , the '-'
was removed later on.

Founder Paul Galvin came up with this name when his company started
manufacturing radios for cars. The popular radio company at the time
was called Victrola.

Larry Ellison and Bob Oats were working on a consulting project for
the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency). The code name for the project
was called Oracle (the CIA saw this as the system to give answers to
all questions or something such). The project was designed to help use
the newly written SQL code by IBM. The project eventually was
terminated but Larry and Bob decided to finish what they started and
bring it to the world. They kept the name Oracle and created the RDBMS
engine. Later they kept the same name for the company.

It originated from the Latin word 'sonus' meaning sound, and 'sonny' a
slang used! By Americans to refer to a bright youngster.

Founded by 4 Stanford University buddies SUN is the acronym for
Stanford University Network. Andreas Bechtolsheim built a
microcomputer; Vinod Khosla recruited him and Scott McNealy to
manufacture computers based on it, and Bill Joy to develop a
UNIX-based OS for the computer.

The word was invented by Jonathan Swift and used in his book
'Gulliver's Travels'. It represents a person who is repulsive in
appearance and action and is barely human. Yahoo! Founders Jerry Yang
and David Filo selected the name because they considered themselves

Body Language

7 Body Language Killers

Killer #1- Avoiding eye contact
what it says about you: You lack confidence; you are nervous and unprepared?

Spend 90% or more of your presentation time looking into the eyes of your listeners. The vast majority of people spend far too much time looking down at notes, PowerPoint slides or at the table in front of them. Not surprisingly, most speakers can change this behavior instantly simply by watching video of themselves. Powerful business leaders look at their listeners directly in the eye when delivering their message.

Killer #2- Slouching
what it says about you: You are unauthoritative; you lack confidence.

When standing stationary, place feet at shoulder width and lean slightly forward. Pull your shoulders slightly forward as well -- you'll appear more masculine. Head and spine should be straight. Don't use a tabletop or podium as an excuse to lean on it.

Killer #3- Fidgeting, rocking or swaying
what it says about you: You are nervous, unsure or unprepared

Killer #4- Standing in place
what it says about you: You are rigid, nervous, boring -- not engaging or dynamic.

Walk. Move. Most men who come to me for presentation coaching think they need to stand ridged in one place. What they don't realize is that movement is not only acceptable, it's welcome. Some of the greatest business speakers walk into the audience, and are constantly moving... but with purpose!

Killer #5- Keeping hands in pocket
what it says about you: You are uninterested, uncommitted or nervous.

The solution here is too simple: Take your hands out of your pocket. I've seen great business leaders who never once put both hands in their pockets during a presentation. One hand is acceptable -- as long as the free hand is gesturing.

Killer #6- Using phony gestures
what it says about you: You are over coached, unnatural or artificial?

Use gestures; just don't overdo it. Researchers have shown that gestures reflect complex thought. Gestures leave listeners with the perception of confidence, competence and control. But the minute you try to copy a hand gesture, you risk looking contrived -- like a bad politician.

Killer #7- Jingling coins, tapping toes & other annoying movements
what it says about you: You are nervous, unpolished or insufficiently concerned with details.

What to do instead: Use a video camera to tape yourself. Play it back with a critical eye. Do you find annoying gestures that you weren't aware of? I once watched an author who had written a book on leadership discuss his project. He couldn't help but jingle all the coins in his pocket throughout the entire talk. He didn't sell very many books that day, and he certainly didn't score points on the leadership scale.



Saturday, December 1, 2007

Mast Jokes

Funny Jokes-that will make you laugh loud

Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

John admitted that, well, yes he did.

She said "You can have it, but it will cost you $100."

After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00 p.m. on Friday.

Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 p.m. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex, and then John left.

Bill came home about 6:00 P.M. He asked his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?"

Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."

Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?"

She thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!' Finally she says, "Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.


A PROSPEROUS businessman propositioned a beautiful girl and she agreed to spend the night with him for $500. When he was ready to leave in the morning, he told her that he didn't have any money with him but he would have his secretary write a check for it and make it out as "RENT FOR APARTMENT"

On the way to the office, he decided that the whole thing wasn't worth the price he had agreed to pay. So he advised his secretary to send the check for $250 and include the following note:

Dear Madam:
Enclosed is my check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount we have agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression:
1. it had never been occupied.
2. it had never been occupied
3. it was small.
Last night, I found that it had been occupied, there wasn't any heat and it was entirely too large.

Upon the receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check with the following note:

Dear Sir,

I am returning your check for $250. I can not understand how you could expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied. As for the heat, there was plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. As for the size, it isn't my fault if you didn't have sufficient furniture to fill it in.


Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"


Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is.

Her reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.

Again the mother's reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

The boy then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?"

To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that" and then sends him to his room.

On the way to his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out. The boy looks it over and goes back to his mother saying, "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!!!"


****25th Anniversary ****

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.

As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to screw your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."


Nudist colony-R

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he
takes off his clothes and starts to wander around.

A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?'

The man replies, 'No, what do you mean?'
She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it means
that you called for me.' Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities.
He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, 'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man.

'No, what do you mean?' says the newcomer.

'You must be new,' says the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it means that you called for me.'
The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the
smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she says.

The man yells, 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back And you can keep the $250 membership fee.

'But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our

The man replies, 'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day.


It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments.

She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea....

He turned to the crowd of guests and said "Will those who are from the brides side of the family stand up please?" about twenty people stood.

Then he asked “Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand up as well?" about twenty five people stood up.

The He smiled and said




"Will all those who stood please leave, This is a birthday party".